It was brutlly cold, the wiknds cut through you and the cheap jacket ou had on didn't repel any of it. People take drugs because they can't handle harshnessand they didn't get nrtured enough as a child. They got thrown out in the world without adequate reassurances, their mother never made it sothey could take for granted they'd always be safe, that they were special, they were blessed and allthe horrible things in the world were either out of sight or could be urned off by a T> V> changer or called weird or rejected, those things didn't exist, they weren't real, you were, you and all the things like security blankets you could clutch ontoand feelsafe under, they were the things that existed. The closest thing ugly shit ever came to you was seeing something like commercialsd of starving people in Africa, and your capacity for suffering was so stunted, your entryinto the world, your progression from expulsion from the womb was so incomplete there was no way you could understand any of that, there has to be a place where you got hurt where your mom dropped you that irrationally acts upwhen you see sich pictures for them tobe anything but opaqu, the equivelant of an ordinaryperson looking say at an abstract expresionist painting,”it don't mean nothing,its just scribbling, a child could do it.”None of the patterns of logic dictated by pain desire, none of them have been developed in you so you can't unravelit,its in a languuage you can't translate, its a cipher, its not even interesting, it doesn't even engage your attention, the only things that engage your attention is the feeling of arms around you that are omnsciently guaranteed never to drop you, they are the whole world, or if they aren't what of the world you can see beyond themyou see throufh the filter of their all encompassing selfless security YOU are the reasonthey exist. People get born this way and they never start to feeklthe slightest pull of responsibility on them by life til they start aging and even the demandsof this coveted position can start to present a burdenon them, everyone ages. Then they get cranky and they expect mother, a world that's always blessed them to hold their burden even tihter so the little bit of weight they had to exert to exist evenin this condition can be lessened. That's whyold people get so unendurable sometimes, their simply isn't anyone or anything that can remove the burden of their condition to the extent they need, ther's only so much entitlement, so much codependence anyone can give another person, and as they get older and their need exceeds the maximum codependence they can get they become chronically bitchy. Addicts aren't born with any nurturing and then they are thrust into war zones, torture chambers places of constant helplessness and the constant violation of primal terror. This is what the world is to them anongoing barrage of artillery of anxiety that overdoses the mind into nonfunctiong and screaming for what=something they never had and have no reason to believe even exists in the world, they believe there's a God or a mother but in their world view, it isn't somethinfg that protects or was put there to protct them, its a dark double that follows them everywhere and its only purpose is to undermine them, constantly violatwe them, particularly at moments when they have to feel that their next act is most guaranteed. At the moment their sure their next act has to be most Guaranteed,that';s the moment that black doubled that is alwayds encompassing then swallowing them consuming themin flames,thsat's the moment it will strike with the most merciless vengeance, the most pitiless assauslt, and the addict knows one thing, he has no defense whatsoever against the full measure of pain and anguish that's gonna envelope him to the point whrere the pain is so grat he just wishes to God he could never have been born he could fade to extinction where the dark being can't follow him, he wishes he never had existed. Thjat's where the drugs come in and man the more of them the better and youlove them like nothing else cause even if they are killing you and all they areis the mother who cradled people in nutring safety you never had in your abandonment, they areis the closest thing to the mrciful god, of course their not merciful, your walking around looking like a corpse from their ravagement, but they are the closest thing to the merciful God that nurtures others that you never experienced or can't even conceive of ot ever. He walked through the cold and he was running away from his kids on Christmas to score and allhe felt was pirranha bites slicing into him and along with it a sense of anxiety lifting, he'd be there,he'd have it, the money was ready, he'd cop, this hell would go away soon.
Bad time christmas time blues

Sending Out

They got Christmas Carols playing out of hiddenspeakers ,Ican't see where the speakers are, probably the same place the cameras are that watch the street through staticy eyes, then beam it back to the tiny little abandoned buildings the cops use as substations, there ain't no tax base for patrolling cops,sothey got fat womenand shit sitting around eating donuts and drinking dunkin donuts cofee from the 24 hour dunkin donut's stand that sits on the edge of the Ghetto. Somebody is buying, destroyed abandoned houses where people have long been evicted from and allt hey use them for, not the city of courdse, the drug dealers use it to to store caches of weapons they buy legally at gunshows,steet sweepers,semi automatics and a pump, and the drugs that come down the 222 south channel interstate from the harbors of New York tosupply this little factory town located in the centerof Pa,. A region James Carville called Alabama, but then maybe he just ain't never been in the innercities of the towns that dot Alabama, cause they look suspiciously like every otheer inner city in America with60,000 or more people stuck in them, They look like Houston 5thward or New Orleans 9th ward before God Bush let the infidels that lived there drown, it looks like really anyother splotchof rot that's been abandoned by jobs , a tax base and left tojunkies living in abandoned houses. It looks like a war went through here and the rich people whohave been frittering away their tax cuts on increasing our defecit to black hole in space proportions, don't likely have no Mashall Plan waiting in the works to fix it up. Cept maybe they do,look at some of these formally decrepit houses with shingles dangling off the side clinging to the paintpeeling mortar walls by a twisted and rusted nail, the roof caved in from on top and fell intothe bathroom it was above, somebody is buying these places up levelling them and trying to put in these phonylooking colonial row homes with window gardens hanging from the sills and that shit they do to bricks to get the grime off them and make them look rough and pristine, they spray all that high volume of water straight on them til the surface of the bricks chip into dust and covers the sidewalks below. Then they're putting in the master touch, them phony ass glass lantern looking things that look like the thing Paul Revere carried yelling one if by day two if by night, only these fuckers light up from a switch inside and are electric. Its called revitalizing the city, upgrading the truly disastrous parts in the hopes of making them attractive enough to entice upscale buyers to buy into one,move in, regentrification, is that the word, then as they all get filled ,upyuppie and professional culture, business establishments that cater to the tastes of suchpeople will move in and a tax base will be created that can pay for decent public schools, the city will be salvaged from the oblivion it has been long lost to. You walk by these houses and chiming soothing christmas music is playing from some source you cannot locate , but it joins the nip in the December air and brings back into you all the poignant yearnings of a time gone by and a time when things were simpler and more sentimental. Noone has moved into these houses yet, the kitchens aren't even done, but from the outsides the edifices look like a defiant statement by the city against all the forces of chaosis and crime and despair and swooning ugliness that have made the city an eyesore for so long{a nose sore too if you can down by the creek and smell what that paper company did doit before it moved to Mexico without warning, leaving a 1000 employees standing outside locked gates on a Monday morning while their place of employment was literally slipped ut of town while they rested and watched Penn State football}. The church up the street from this neighborhood of reclamation and hope ripping the city away from the hands of hordes of barbarians that have possessed itt so long as cops cowered in front of screens, not daring to patrol, there aren't many cops and there's lots of guns and more shootings and at least 30 street gangs as young as 15 , some thoroughly packing, and shooting at anything in sight,including passing vehicles which seldom venture in here after dark, they do not want to be the object of some youth's target practice as his bullet creases right through an oncoming windshield as a quaking driver dives to the passenger side laying down and glass explodes all over him and hordes of kids laugh and open fire til the inert vehicle looks like that bus Clint Eastwood drove in the Gauntlet, the one with about 10,000 bullet holes in the makeshift armor he wrapped it in ,only cars that make the mistake of driving through here at night when the street sweepers are out and gunning sounding a little like the sound of amplified grit teeth, they don't have all that armor like Clint did, hell, we don't even supply our troops in Iraq with that stuff and our president visits the men who have had their legs blown off because they don't have it all the time in the hospital. Ah yes, the church up from the regentrified area of town.A piece of spiritual inspiration written on one of those glass covered signs that are mounted on bricks, the glass comes out, theres this corrugated white shit in there you can fit black letters on, change the message as you please. It says “Courage is fear with Prayer.” I think courage is when you've lost absolutely everything , which is when you die, so I don't have the ultimate courage, but having almost died quite a few times , I'd say for fear to enter me Death would probably have to buggar me next time, what am I talking about, it did that a long time ago, its why I'm a fucking addict, I can't get enough buggering, there we got that straight. A block away, now here really is a landmark, the strip bar the founding fathers of town stopped trying to zone away along time ago, I mean wouldn't you. Now there's aplace for the truly lonely and desperate souls in there.No needle junkies may dance, Christ they shoot upbetween their thighs, only crack whores, and they look like aids victims. Those shriveled bodies, those shrunken heads, and those pedophile tits. You go in there , copa feelof boney thigh, in your trench coat, get blown along side the place where the Honerywell plant stone alley is, plant ain't open, just a big ominous thing, silhouette in the night, get a ghastly blow job, give the money to a fiend with more of an appetite for drugs than Dracula got for blood and so little flesh left on her its stretched over her like a Nazi concentration camp commandant's lampshade and she runs off into the night, that blow job made you lonelier than Christmas in an abandoned house with the wind whistling through it like through two rotten teeth that throb every time it passes throughthe gap between them, lonely, Mr. Blow Job, man he can't find human companionship anywhere,like a junkie looking at an OD needle,helooks down the barrel of many of the registered handguns floating around the city and takes it right in the eye and falls back over his legs thrashing around til he's still, and then a wild rottweiller comes up and licks his dead unshaven face.I walk through here all the time wandering when in the hell are the yuppies, the upscales that made their pile on Wall street gonna come through here and move in and save us all, but then I see in the newspaper DowJones down 700 points, Wall Street in line asking for a bailout from a government that's bankrupt. The jokes on somebody, sure as hell ain't on me.I didn't believe in anyof you motherfuckers ever, right from the beginning and like I said Death gotta get pretty close to me to make me scared.Me and Death are down with each other.
Dear Editor,
I am an unpublished writer, I got a blogger space called YorkNoir. Basically,I write stories about the underside of a factory town where there are no factories left and most of the people who live here are three generations from any idea of middle class stability. I write about stuff no one else is likely to see from a perspectivethat no one is likely to have.It takes a long time to get my perspective, you aren't born with it. I write in a startling, disturbing, original language that's suitable for the kind of gritty stories and sardonic social commentary I specialize in. I love to be ironic in a brass knuckles way. This is the underground I'm doing, from ground zero, so its raw and I'm sure its fresh.
Thank You for reading this,

being alone

I hate to hear you cry
Thehuman race is nothing but a big waste
The best die by their own hand
The others make the compromises I mad tobuy a few more wretched years on this earth... total immersal head first in a garbage pile with nothing at the end of the tunnel but a more unendurable smell
And to stay alive, hell gravity pulls you down into it til you're completely covered and you just keep going in deeper the funk all you can breath
What kind of creature is mutated out of an environment thatis always getting less impue do you want to even look at yourself anymore do you even want totry aren't you getting more and more tired isn't there getting tobe less and less to be interested in less and less tobe inspired by less and less tobe in awe of more and more tragedy more and more to have your heart broken by how hard is it to hold yourself together as it keeps coming at you headonnauseating collision heart breaking into smashed glass, smithereens how hard is it for you to imagine what that heart looked like before how you felt like when you were young and healthy and the air flowed through you innocent and fresh and pure and your body repondedto life to everything it saw and every hill, every horizon hd a new eperience a new magic touchlying just over the other side of it as the breezes fluttered your hair like her hand when it wasn't forbidden when you weren't rot from the center devastaation standing at the bottomof a lonely forgotten pit the wall so enlosed on you you are barely squeezed in looking up looking up and all you can do is imgine whats up ther now rank stench fills your lungs every day you feelmore bured alive
Why maintain/
Selfishness would be the worst motive of all that you'd slit your mother's throat tobuy another putrid second of this life
Cowardicethe more holw inside you get the more you can feel whatlies beyond and the more scared you are tomake that final leap into release
Which one is it sage
You're crying about what youlost and will never get back
I can't bear to see you cry
Its so unfair
Dreamless and alone in this ever compressing ever meaningless world
That you can see less of every second
Yeah itsa grave your in and the distractions to keep you from knowing it get more and more uninteresting
I can tell because you cry more
Its all you do.

Obama and the black man's burden

Let the trenches fill with gore
let the ravines flood with blood
When its allovere, the orgy
The frenzied last dance
There'll be nobody but people of the mud
Screaming and killing and jeering
And living for empty pleasures
Running to the end of the world
Conquering advanced civilizations
Just to plunder their treasures Spend it on empty pleasures
Leave nothing behind but smoldering ashes
Their legacy shattered to shingles, measure to measure
Dance the dance of the doomed
Singing anthems of the shadows that bloom
Where sflowers should be
And now all we are here
Are black holes
And souls thatlive for spending sprees
II
He stumbled pushed down the hill, man what a fall. Had to break a lot of bones. It wasn't graceful. It was brittle and stiff. He didn't know how to roll either. I didn't even want to see how he looked when he hit the bottom of that steep cliff. He'd be busted up pretty good, I figured. Had it coming though. Running off at the mouth all the time. They took him up there in a car and they beat him up a while and then they flung him over the really steep part of the precipice. I didn't think he'd die, but you couldn't be sure and anyone who does that to someone else doesn't really care if they die. They want to get the message across and if the person dies, they already know that was a possibility and they may even have wanted it secretrely to happen when they pushed him over. They could have jus beat the shit out of him. Why throw his ass over a goddamn 200 foot cliff. I mean he'd have gotten the message with a good beat down. The more I think of it, the more wreckless the whole act seemed. I mean they didn't care if he lived and I had the distinct feeling they'd gotten some kind of euphoria in them, some sense he was so worthless, and some sense of their own power AND impunity here, they had decided to bring something out, but they didn't make it concious to themselves, they were intoxicated by the way the possibilities suffused their brains like airplane glue vapors in a bag mangling up everything in front of them and taking their judgemrnt. Freedom baby. Motherfucker nigger, why not White Supremacy, the only supremacy is the moment you push him and you can't take it back and you get that warm feeling oozing through you , yes, I've realized it, I've killed him, there's no way to save him, watching him there's no way he can live. They hadn't been right since the election. It had affected them somehow. The worlddidn't seem feel right to them no more and in the past life had always felt like they were always the lynch mob and the way black people looked at them they were always cowed, always the lynch victims.Now these white guys saw they lok at the black guys and they saw pride staring out of their eyes. Wouldn't move off the sidewalk when they passed them in the town. Were starting to not know their place, get out of line. Something had to be done to restore the status quo. But as they watched the guy roll down the hill, it just didn't make themfeel strong like it used to when they beat down a nigger. They felt like they were really rolling over that hill. They felt like they were at the bottom of a big hole looking up and the only way out of it was the one thing they couldn't do. A beatdown of a nigger wouldn't get themout of it, and they didn't have nothing else. They couldn't learn, they weren't articulate, they weren't musical, artistic. They really didn't like to work and they held the jobs that took the least amoubt of skill because they had never tried to learn. They always compared themselves to niggrs and if they were higher, they didn't see no reason to try and advance. To where? They were innately lazy in the genes. 400 years of laziness, you don't just suddenly turn into a world burner when that's your heritage. Now all they are is the ones at the bottom. Doing shit that don't take no skills and motivation and on top of that they can't penetrate 400 yeARS OF COMPLACENCY.. keeping them from even trying. All they were were brutes. They watched him rol down the hill, they were scared. They might end up worse than rolling down a hill. They might be put in a garbage bag where people who are good for nothng end up. For the first time they knew the difference between chauvinism and pride and felt sick inside knowing it.

Theyleft the dande together.Outside,it should have been autumnbutit was rainin and cold and really damp right into the bones and especially the joints. It was hovering around freezing and it was sleet that was falling andit was sticking to thir coats, as it lay on the woolof their coats,it melted and saturated right through their overcoats and the nice white shirt he as wearing and the cotton sweater she was wearing were getting damper and wetter and starting to stick to their bodies in an uncofortable way.Rain ranoff their hair, which they had both spent a lot of time ad put a lot of spray and mousse and processing on, the gookon their hair was turning to a helmet and the water was running off it and right down thir necks and backs and between their necks and collars, it was absolueltymiserable outside, there was akind of cold mist congealing in front of them, writhing sort of with sort of vaporous tenacles intertwining.The streelight came through it but you couldn't see anything trough the mist, thelights just gave the mist a kind of illuminated, almost holy, sacred, but ghostly lok to it and it was so dense once someone stpped into it, it enveloped them,they were completely swallowed upinit and if the person wanted to stand over to to the side where the wet maple tree loomed,this crinkly palm hand leaves grasping desperately out from the edgeof the brittle branches, he could utterly not be senand people could walk right by himas he hid betweenthe tree and the pople passing by, listening in, bending aroud the backof the tree so their backs and the tree stood between them and him. He wore a gry hoody,his face was pockmarked,his eyes deeply inlaid deeply set in sockets, they had no sense of emotion to them, they just stared cold and something about the size of thm and the way they wouldn'tclose stretched his face out and made it wide and immobile and he had these big lips that hung drooping down, the bottomlipwhich further emphasized he immobility of his face,partlyit was emotionless, partly it had the look of someone whose entire attentionwas trained on what he was looking at to the point of salvation,he betrayed nothing of what was inside him, but that he hid and tht his face was completely unreadable except for a tiny sense of the predator toit, these things would probably alarmyou about him,that and the hoodie that made seeing his face in the kind of reognizable detail,not silhouete, but in a way that opens upsome socialconnectionbetweenyou and himthatmakes your next acknowledgement tohim a greeting that opened uptrut, you were not allowed tosee that muchof himeither, hidden, aloof, expressionless,and vaguely cannabalistic and those eyes boring into you that would not avert, usuallyif eyes mke todirct a ontact and hre is the startling embarrassing moment of a sprkbeteen two people ollowedby an absolute strangeness, the people will avert eyes in embarrassment lookdown nd shuffle by, trying tolookinconspicous. He didn't dothat withhis eyes sunkdeep down in those craters in his face,in the cartilialage,he kept staring at you hypnotically with that vague predatoriallook on his lips and that impervious face. Walking by him,seeing himinthe shadows, seein gthe silhoutte of the cartilage framed face ,then seeing some of the distinct features and having them fallon ou makyou, that was disturbing, it penetrated into you, seeing a momentry glipse of that eird shrunken head voodoo doll head peering at youout of the rain, you suddenly see it,ralizing he was hiding observing you with some patient intent when you were utterly unaware he was tere and unguarded and thn suddenlythere's just amoment and its a shadow then some definitionand then youfreeze.You are off balance, have lost your breath and something about everything about him seems tocurious about you, way toocurious. You don't like tobe scrutinized like that because you sense he has intentions towards you that he not onlyisn't divuling,but also is completelyselfish and insular,he is studying you for an opportunity a clue as tohowyouwork, a weakness, somethng he canexploitbuthe is not makingor concerned at allwithyour emotions at all, he willemerge whenyou have divulged tohis scrutiny what he needs toknow to fulfillwhatever intention youintriuedin his mind whenhe first got sight of you and found himself unable tostop studying you and his studyof you, the most vulnerable parts of you,the prts of you that are utterly not emotionslor human that miht inspire empathy, he isn't looking at that he don't want toknow you, the way h islooking at you scares you,you ae not a person, but a thing and the parts of you you can feelhim fixing on in ou are the parts you can least protect and usually don't thinkof protecting because you take other people's empathy and respect for you for granted, they always approachyou as aperson, he is like a iger or something only interested in putting some strong andoverwhemingly forceful part of himself, as inhuman as his aura into some part of you that you can't defend.Yosee him, the two of you and you stae uneasilythan yotry tomake him communicate, that would disarm himlike me, hate me but don't study me with that cold look and that mountng intention I can feelin you, that awfulfeling inme you are trained in onfocused inon laser beam, We know now your intentions and the more your cold clculating animalintllience pierce our minds and disarms us tellingus what you are goig todo the more we freze and swoonand its like your eyes re some sort of tractor beamimmobilizing us and we aew shivringlookinginto those cold ver growing masterfl eyes and more andmore we are dwidlindown to specks and your power is becominalmighty and the terrible thing is now the only thing in our minds is we know your intentions and nthig else can get in our mind just yor intentions for or dmise and the power of your domintionin th form of thoe intentions grows and grows and grows our mind cannot hold the recognitionof the horror ofyour intenions for us, it is unspeakable, unsayable, we are on the ground writhingunde the streetlights, the mist congealing around us like hell's serpnt's youwhipoff that hoodie revealthat face tat can see every part of us but the partyou can empathize withus as people,you take out a gunand first you shoot her in the face,I ambawling as the gunpresses agaistmy temple and explodes.

the last two from two

I'm wading through a dream
Swamp bubbles gurgle
The smell of rot, the smell of dream I can feel her loins She is dancing around, at first I think its formless, but after a while I feel myself coming unhingeed, her pulsing thighs, her small but perfectly formed and tight breasts, her arms held close to her body like she's hugging herself, squashes her breasts against her forearms, she sweeps in circles, her legs lift off the ground it becoesan ecstatic rhythm, itbecomesart, I feel myself falling deeper into hypntism, it starts to feel like the oppositeof when a woman.ssexual power dominates you til your lust becomes all the guilt of creation andrather than want to enter her because its temple youir unworthy ofand you scream as the need in you ascends and yoy lay down on a stake and dig the stake deeper and deeper into the cartialage of your solar plexus and twist it into your orgns and you feel the seat burst like captive sweat under the lash as you row the gally boat and the amazonian womanin the thigh boots crack the whipacross your back, their forearms powerful, you utterly surrendering your will to a power they have you wouldn't dare or wany to oppoe, pain and death and being subjugated to humiliation to tears to guilt to christ on the cross anguish is the only road you've ever found that leads to orgasm, like a feake spider that forces the orgasmout of the anemic mae, virulebly imbibes herself with it and fertilizes herself and then attacks the shcked male who is utterly lackingin defenses and this is his realorgasm, she tears him asunder limb from limb rips his head off consumes him and throws the rest of his hatternslto the garbage as she stands supreme ready to continue the genus, the male;s purpose fulfilled and he evenwilled his own selfdestruction at her hands because yes it was biology burt more it was uncontrolable addictive need for a pleasure that has become the only point of his life, acending to this finl summit of release whenpainis allencompoassing and thedegree of it finally justifies him being permitted to have pleasure which his guilt has always supressed him from daring to embrace with all his hungrr and appetite
Nolove, love like swaing hips, like ubhingesd nerves like dreams disembodied from alll dread, love swim upwarsd through the sea, feel her hads on your back, your spine your loins, tugging at your hair, th gentleness and meekness adkindness and lackof ruthlessness touching him ,touching his lipswhich purse in respose touch his penis as the water sweeps over it as he accelerates upward through the dreamwater and her hands like a dance of nurturing kindnessand now at last he feelss t appearing out of him, the jungle rot, the funk thats inside him, its is ludt, its his gift to her she has earned it by releasing it and releasing him from his hysteria and addisction to pain there is no kind as the dancng sweepof er hnds strke it n every creative way beynd his imaginarion, she earns control, he relinquishes it and now his penids is pumping pumping umopihg and she is wrapping herself addroitly areond is and it feels so warm and safe as it ascends without the jagged need to be hurt to get it to do so
he's so farin her and she's so wrapped around it and her handsareon his spine ass pulling his hair and alon sigh comes out of him and she smiles sweely as she absorbs his seepage and spillage in the deepest part of her
He catches her off balance when his finger touch her nipple, her mouth opens in a gigantic surprised oh as her legs her torso every bit of her body flows ibto the power of his teasing fingers he does it slow and when his mouth moves from her breasts down to heer clitoris ad his tongur sweeps around ir then dabs down on top of it then one sweet kiss he lets go, because now she is really dancing beyond form and he don't wan to restrain it because this pure sublimity tio watch and he feels humbled by the beauty of pure nature at its mstvolcanic and ballerina like hehugs her and enters again and they clasp the water all around them now as they sinkdeeper into the erotic depths where there is no repression no boundaries and no limits just a n eternalorgasm that lasts forever and is non existent, where the two transcedents meet.

Her body was pure musky funk, like jungle rot and she lay there on the floor in the steaming hot room, I lay there crushed under the weight of the intoxicationof the whole experience,my head swirling uncontrollably, me weakas water at every joint,at every limb,looking up at her throgheyes that were bleary and at last defeated, I saw her look at me in a way that was fral,cannabalistic almot, I saw her lick her lips,the obscene lookof lipstick on a canine incisor,it looked like blood on the perfect tooth of a wolf sharpened and made more healhy sculpted into its most perfect shape by the atavism of nature at its most ferociously combative here the stakes were so ultimate the loose felt his mind swoon off and himtumbling intothe abyss, no strength left to fight, his own will inciting his tormentor to greater extremes of utter domination, the only thing that could possibly save himis the reappearance of mercyor a onscience in her whichis utterly contrary toallthe edicts of nature, particularly in a combative frenzy that had entered into this stage of complete nd utter intoxication, the only way it could possibly end and any conscious awareness ould ever surge ito either of its combatants is for the ultimate outcome to be arrived at, there simply be nomore capacityinone of the two to go on, beyond mercy, beyond crushed will, the twisted gnarly buirned fetus of an aborted child where extinctionhsas beenarrived atand the victor can feelthe final surge of joyous life affirming passionfillevery corpuscle, every nerve end joy elate out of the most primitive errogenous zones of the victor which have beenliberated by the totalall consuming humiliating crushing of the vain opponent who lay whimpering at the end sobbing,for more agony probably which their willessness will not try to defend themselves agaist, transmitting symbotic thoughts to thye victor who knows exactly how tofinish the vanguished foe ,ake them orgasmin their moment of deepest shame, that being the moment the oser used the superior will of the victor and his lack of will as either a suicide weapon or to yild to being powerlesslymurdered by someone he has come to see as the equivelant of God,I lay there in hat position and the finalbit of erotic communication eked out of my wrecked torn asunder souland I saw he knifelike gleam in her eyes as it registered we had joined together at last her in total victory and confidence me in shattered defeat and now the connection could e made, the wall that seperated me from the world had been ripped down, total erotic connection and that gleam in her eye, she took ovr allpower ad I came and came and came andit ran like the waterfalls of life andhealth and I looked at her reatfully for this grat gift,my forehead covered in sweat, my eyes stinging with sweat Oh god thank you I said thank you and th look she gave me cut into me cause it was allknowing and it brooked no mercy.

Wallstreet scheme

The welfare trough, motherfucker, its all overthere and have we truck the mother lode or what, Sutter's mill, cmon down with your fucking pan and we'll dump the free gold bars inyourpan, shit you won't evenhave toput on wading boots and go in that cold water and get your spine curved til you look like an unhygiene question mark, wear your Brooks Brother's suit like your respectable, I meanyou motherfuckers ain't had shame in years,forgot the definitionof it really, its all about anyway toget your pile, where in the hell doers morality come ino whenits pure crime, I mean what the fuck is the difference between stealing, getting a hand out , flat out extortion, its called deregulation right, so the only way you measure a goddamn thing is by results, how much you end up withand how muchyouleave everyone else fleeced, its called winners and losers and you inany way you can.Look you sorry bastards haven't done an once of what anybody used to call real work in your entire liftime and your whole motivation for everything you have done is that insatiable tingling you keep feeling at your nrve ends, it screams in the hollow echoing caverns inside ou desire, desire, you been junkies fo r years and during that time your ingenuity,or should I say your shameleness and the depths of degradation you've beenwilling todescend tohas grown byond what anyone, even the great Marquis de Sade could have predicted, I mean Tupac wrote a song about a mother who abandoned hr child for crck, you motherfuckers have abandoned an entire civilization, an entire next generation of babies for our addiction, shit you've chosen extinction of the human race so you could feed your addiction, si I know this shit will appeal to you, I mean its so warped its so you. What we'll dois just run the motherfucking credit market right into the shitter, I mean I want you to go out and make some really irresponsible loans, to any dumb ass rube you can find that'll take it , I mean on fucking houses they can't even remotely afford, scamthemso they think they can, like they are getting something for free, there's nothing this generatioon of American's like better than to believe shit is free and that when the math don't add upits cause God intervened or they are entitled to it, I mean I want to see some rancid ass loans made, make emtofucking rumdumbs in the gutter clutchin a bottle of thunderbird if you got to, I mean we gotta break the credit system, I mean destroy it to where even looking upon it fills people with terror at the implications of what could happen. O.K. See that'lleffect everything. No
loans cataclysm looming up and they are in its shadow like godzilla's bout to put a paw print in the center of their lives. Scare em really good. Make them think they got absolutely nohope, no future and don't give them one extra second to think about it, I ant them sweating, Brinkmanship is paramount here, man, its like the A bomb, they gotta think their whole existence can be obliterated in one second, that's how you make people not think about the consequences of their decisions in the now, its like this, I mean if you are sure youre going to di and there ain't nothing left you can do to save yorself, Imeannothing, even a goddamned atheist will be mimbling prayers to Jeseus , that's how far we gotta push this shit. They'll have to give us corporate welfare to save us to save themselves, they won't hav a choice, they'll have to bail us out. As with Enron, the only person who will be able to tell them how much we need will be one of our own, in the spy cmmunity they call them a mole, and he'll ask for a bailout so bigit'll make every other abuse of unregulated capitalism we've perpertrated look like home grown pot compared to speedballs. We'll break their ass, we'll ask for every mother fucking thing we can get a trilion dollars and they'll hand it over like it was civic duty, like we were god telling them to put their children on the altar and and sacrifice them to show us they love us more than they do their own kids. Because that's what they'll be doing, throwing their kids future away justto acknowledge the business of America is business even when the business of America has become as parasitic as we have. And once they fork it over we'll come back and need more and more and more. They are sostupid, they think the way you cure a glutton of his sins is give himmore food than he can ever eat.Shit I'lltell
you, there ain't evermore food than I can eat. And we'll have good old hank Paulson, our inside man< he'll cover for us when we use the money tofeather our nests, I even hear theold wily bastard ound some rule he can use when everone's paniking paying this shi, he can slip us some more money. Who are they gonna blameman? It'll be that Wall street culture jazz they'll use to accuse us which means they can't find a single one of us to blame. Its like Nazi Germany, they allknew In that contry what was going on, did they gas every Kraut for war crimes.Man, We'll just circle the wagons and blame the poor people who took theloans and fill the air withsomuch toxic bullshit smoke theywon't be able
to breathe and they'll be weak at theknees with panic. To misquote Nietzsche ,and we won't have beenthe first to do that to that poor dead mad bastard, it'll be triumph of the will. Hell we never tried this before. Just make them hand it to us like they do welfare recepients. I guess you gotta getprettyfar down the road of deregulationto start really coming upwiththe good ones, the ones that breakthe fucking bank, our problemis we din't have the balls before, shit now we know how much power we got,LikeCecil Rhodes said Iwould annex the planets if I could, we can do anything,any goddamn mother fucking thing.We rule this shit and they'll give us the shirt off their backif we demand it. Hell, we don't even have to ask nice. ,

Jeramia Talkin

He was banging on the door of the crack house at 2 in the morning and no one was answering and there were boards in the windows and you could just barely see thepiss yellow light streaming out someof the cracks at the top of the boards where the boards din't quite fit in the windows.It was that cheap wood, the placard type shit theyusedtothrow uphovels along the railroad tracks where thebums could go inand shelter together, trying touse their body heat as their filthy stinking unbathed bodies pushed into one anotherin a crowded little shelter trying togenerate a little heat while the winds outside howled like wolf teethripping right through yourprotective epidermis, your inadequate coat and thepainfeltlike a sharpserrating bite that wouldn't letg,but kept rippig across the skin, staining its teeth red clutchung its teeth right on the bone whichit had rippedout of the body encasement.The wind waspure agony, unrelenting,pitiless agony, he knew well of this kindof abandonment wnere death seizes you and fills you to your deepest marrow with anguish but it won't show one hint of mercy and throw your ripped asundercarcass of flesh and body to the mob of rabid dogs and just give you the sweetestkissof relief and release and let your spirit or is it just your awarenessif there is no afterlife , release it from the flesh that clings to it and transmutes all the violating pain nature imposes onit til it races like poison into the unprotected soul.He knew well the anguish because he was deeply, convulsively in the thoes of that phsical anguish right now, he felt pain allthrough himand the demons of hellwere excreting out of his soul as it tried ineffectually to excrete the poison that was enteringin him without letting his souljust receive the blessed kiss that would sever it from the connection to the body and nature ad mortality, he had the need manandhe knew if he went in here , he owed about half the dealers who were sheltering up inside to escape the winter, it was not a night people wanted to stand on street corners all night, llof them had congregated in this section 8 welfare house, junkies have antennaes, and the wind would blow their way as the need gnawed through the bone and down to the soul and they'd make their way here, no need for the goodyear blimpto fly over, beeping neon lights advertising why the usual rock spots were nthing but desperate,barren windswept wastelands,word would get out, crack is a sellers market, you could hole yourself up in a barricaded fortress and junkies like rats would get in to cop, look at some of the shit they did to get the money to begin with. Junkies were like roaches, there are a trillion of them, you don't notice them in the underbelly of a city and when civilization collapses, they'll be the last ones left alive, if only on the basis of sheer numbers, a million guys with brooms could seepthemall in an Aushwitz pile and he wouldn't even make a dent in the population of them, They'll cause the cities tofall into ruins at the end and they'll be the last ones surving on the last subsistence,placenta of a doomed world, because what have they beensubsisting on all along and whoelse knows where the last remnants of survival lie once the storehouses are depleted. He had to go in this place because it was where every mother fucking pusher was holed up tonight.What heliked to do was buy on credit, burn a pusher, then never go around the territory thepusher ran,go to a whole other side of town where he wasn't known where he could talk some other damned fool who hadn't heard of himinto advancing him dope, he was good for it, and hope toGod the new pusher was eithr naïve or hadnever talked to any of the othermembers of the trailof scorched pushers his begging and not paing back had left hima target to through laser beamone track minds of people whose only interest in him was to squash him like the annoying assbitchbug he was like kock him down, put a pistol barrel right up against those rotting front teeth,let him snivel for about 5 seconds untilthe level of nausea in the pusher rose to excrusable height and the trigger was yanked back,blasting his mother fucking head to some goddamn place beyond recognition. Tonight virtually every pusher that wouldn't kill each other on sight because of beefhad takenrefuge in the unheated house and he had to go in because he needed so bad he was swooning, the craving was beyond all reason, it had to be, because half the motherfuckers cooped upin there had him on some bitch list to kill or beat senseless. Just his appearance would likely set it off with one and it be a stomping thenthe guns would empty open into
beaten carcass.Hell, even half delusionalhe knew this, but you buy the ticket youtake the ride. Besides he just got out of the hospital fom a od coma and here he was, I meanyou don't live forever right, you heard of suicide bycop, shit junkies never runoutof ideas, or drama and in this life taking the big risk is what its gonna eventually come down to.Cockroaches might inherit the earth, but every individual one is expendable. He saw the door open in front of him, his bad heart beat like anvils falling from the skies and there was somuch reefer smoke in there, the lights the electric company hadn'tturned off yet were apiss yellow smear seen through exhaled smoke. They were all sillhouttesin the smoke as he stepped across the threshold into the house he figured he'd die inpainfully. Bymorning, they'd find him
in the street and that guy with the broom would have toanswer the whistle again to sweep another dead cockroach into the mile high pile. Shit, was this humanities legacy.Was this its attemt tobuild a tower of Babel.What a fucking wrong ass mother fucking species this one was.

My Daughters School

Get ready for this cause I'm gonna blitzkrieg your skull with illogic. My daughter went to Hannah Penn
Jr. High last year and was in the gifted program. Her algebra one teacher was unable to keep order in the class and couldn't teach the entire curriculum . So she skipped 12 chapters of Algebra and when the
kids pointed it out, she dared them to go tell the principal. My daughter got A's and B's in this class. This year she went to William Penn High School. She's in Geometry. She can't do the work, noone from her class last year can because they never learned it last year. So the current teacher has to have them come in every night to learn after school what they didn't learn last year, while every day they gotta learn stuff that you can't learn unless you learned the stuff you were supposed to learn last year. I go to the guidance counselor. I tell her the situation..Now everyone knows this situation exists because no one from Hannah Penn can do the work, even the ones who got A's and B's last year. The guidance counselor says she can't say anything about the teacher last year at all because they are in the same union. So I go to a principal. The only solution we can come up with is, since he's management, he has the power to let my daughter take Algebra I again which she took last year and got A's and B's in, but now knows nothing from last year. She'll take the same math class again as last year. The principle will not investigate the teacher last year who skipped 12 lessons because she couldn't keep order in the class. He's afraid of the teacher's union. Hence, that same teacher will next year undoubtedly do the same thing and produce more unprepared kids. And the PSSA test scores for the school will go down endangering every other teacher's job, every counion member's job. The same people who are protecting her because they are fellow union members. And there's no way for the administration to remedy this situation except either make kids take Algebra I and Geometry , Algebra I after school, or repeat Algebra I. This year after having had it last year. Does this situation cry out for outside intervention somehow? Is this kind of like a Joe Heller Catch 22 situation, is it possible for a child to get an education in a system like this? They can't bring he federal government in fast enough to break up these local yokels and entitlement clowns that our blocking our children from getting an education . Just so they can protect mediocrity.

jesus the unsung

I'm hanging here bleeding from every pore
especially my head, the blood filling my eyes,
When you outrage them and they catch up with you
you don't die fast
they make it take a long time
they jeer and mock the whole time
I begged all last night on my knees
that I wouldn't end up here
I would of done anything to get out of it
I just uttered a curse everyone heard
it was the ultamite in cowardise
the ultamite sign I punked out
it was beyond begging
Thats how bad I been defeated
I got ratted out by the one I should of known would do it
He lived for money.
How could I not have seen anything was for sale to him
I let him in my inner circle
and they offered him some money
the other family
and he sold me out
a guy who lives for money
thats his only quality
I mean if I had been more perceptive
I'd of figured out
the only reason he was hanging around me
was the thought he could get more money of that
then I made that stupid remark a
about how I didn't care about money
he knew then to go to the other side
they care about money
he was always shrude like that
observing where the money was
who was gonna give it up
where he could get it
and I gave up the secret
he couldn't get it from me
so he went to them and sold me out
of course he did
a serpent doesn't change his nature
what did I think I had, his will
thats why he was following me around
people follow you around
because they think they can get
what their nature demands they get
by parasiting of you
once I showed him
he couldn't get it from me
he sold me out quick
My best friend
he betrayed me in a second
they asked him if he knew me
man no one knows you when your down and out
no ones gonna claim to know you
when they see where you end up
when you act like I did
they might end up like that to
their gonna say they never knew you
there gonna swear they didnt know you
I'm surprised they didn't help to put me to pain
to prove he didn't know me
he wasn't about to claim me
that would of possibly put him where I am now
and I just punked out
screamed out the ultamite defeat
I mean gave the ultamite blowjob
sold out all my dignity
The dignity I think I was born with
the dignity that carried me through my life
the diginity I would bend on
I was a hard ass
you have to be in this game
but when they break hardasses
they make sure they brake them all the way
they aint happy unless theyre sniveling and balling
even when thats done they aint happy
they gotta do one more cheap thing to you
to make it clear to everyone you are garbage
cause they don't like the idea
you once threatened them
once they reduce you to garbage
they feel like they can't be threatened by anyone
so there not gonna just punk you out
make you beg
cry alone in the darkness for someone to take your dignity
there gonna make sure when there done
you aint just a punk
your garbage
it eases them
peace of mind
I'm finished now
they did the ultamite thing to me
they had to brake me
they had to win
there was a lot at stake
a lot of power
and only humiliating completely
he who threatens you
wins you over the power completely
and whipes out his memory
his influence all of it
on garbage,
at the end I'm done
you don't live to long
not in the fast lane I was put to live