I found her by the side of the road. Christ, gashes, cuts, right to the bone where her elbow was. Ripped skirt one of them arty bohemian things that reach to your ankles and got the scotch patterns on them. Her top ripped completely off a wool sweater and all you could see was a bra. Laying on her back moaning, holding her jaw whichlooked like it was moving like a broke one would, big blood trickle hardened toa galena like finish she'd been there a long time and the blood from her mouth had just hardened there.I went over to herr , I couldn't penetrate the haze of pain she was in, I wouldn't say she was unconscious, just unresponsive. I kind of had a lump inmy throat, did you ever see violation. Not vulnerability, violation, like a bird with a broken wing, it got a big time will tolive, but not the means.I bowed my head down and looked away from the skirt swathed around those bruised legs. Christ. I thought. She wasn't no ravishing beauty, she was kind of a prep looking girl, a little chubby in the stomach, it wasn't a scene that titil;ated at all.It was a scene like coming upon a car crash and being there wellin the aftermath when you could make out all the aftereffects and absorb them really deeply and fully and seeing the damage it did to the cars made you cring because you could feel the force of the impact, but seeing what it did to the people as they were grimly pulled from the wreckage, that went throughyou, like a sudden moment where your wind pipe was cut off for some reason and you suddenly discovered you couldn't breathe, and as you fought for it, for the reassurance, your breath wouldn't come back and panic started to come and this awful feeling came over you that not only canyou die in a second, man you were goingto, you couldn't even yellout for help, you were a mouse's.voice, you weren't even that, you were mute, a shadow a hole, you didn't exist at all, you couldn't register your humanneed for contact on any radar screen another human would see, you were strangling man, dropping away and you couldn't find nothing to stand on it was all a big ayss as the conscuiodness swoped out of you. You looked down at her and she got more distant and more and more dissolved and you felt yourself not occupying the same plainof reality as her, you more and more occupied no plane of reality and the seperation between you and her became infinite and the wider it got the less of you there was and that includes awareness of yourself or of her or the world she existed in, the only awareness left as it all disintegrated as your distance from yu and hrr grew was the abyss and you were becoming it. I guess its guilt, I guess thats what I'm talking about here, some guilt frommy past, lodged inmy unconscios, I can't ever own up to so whenever I approach it annihilation is always my fate again.